Feb. 11th, 2005

mellybrelly: (Default)
last night I dreamed I had this gorgeous sweater. It was gorgeous autumn oranges and reds.. I can't even describe. I was driving home thinking about what clothes to pack for this weekend away, when I remembered. I hate when I dream clothes that I love.

a few nights ago I dreamed I was breastfeeding a baby. Very strange.

The other night I woke every hour and thought "what am I doing!!?" Stressful

tonight Amanda, my baby sister, added me on msn, I was her first online conversation. I miss her and her babies so much it hurts.

Have I mentioned my brother comes home in the next month? I wonder how much of a man he had become in 13 months. He will be 22 this year. You would love him.


I am sensitive, kind, loving, friendly, outgoing, shy at unexpected times, christian, not religious, confused, open, scared, selfish, worth so much more, loved, cared about, gentle, tired, weak, afraid, alone, adored, hard working, lazy, sore, strong, amused, amusing, willing, very willing, silly, petty, easily damaged, proud, did I mention scared?, unorganized, perfectionist, procrastinating, a sister, an auntie, a daughter, a friend, a heart that is so huge, a heart that is easily broken, guarded, aware, careful, testing, lonely, worried, secure, apprehensive, encouraging, encouaged, going forward!, moving to new things, breaking free, breaking chains, breaking down, soaring. I will give all of me.


someone recently told me I had very gentle touch, it warmed me.

my music has changed now, to Etta James ~ At Last.. I like music that I feel in my body.

Have you ever wondered if someone wants something only because you want it? Have you ever wondered if you want something only because someone else wants it? That makes me afraid.

So much good music in my life right now. Sometimes I wish I could write or show what music makes me feel. I can only hope that other people feel it too. I feel like music has just been awoken in me recently.

I wish I could write poetry other than when I'm heartbroken. Maybe I need just a little more heartbreak because I have nothing right now. Nothing. My words are dry.

One day I'll paint all the pictures that are in my head, and maybe even be proud of them. One day I'll lay on the grass and look at the branches of my favourite tree against the sky. One day I'll sit and hold your hand and I will be so happy for what I have. One day I'll be very old and I'll tell stories of my life and my grandchildren will half listen, and then one day wish they had listened more.. because I'll be gone and they will want to know where they came from. One day I'll water flowers I've planted and pick blossoms to put in a vase in my kitchen and I will be aware of the beauty of my life. One day.
mellybrelly: (Default)
I swear I was just in a horror film. It started with me feeling something on my arm and it was a gross spider and ended with me in the shower with blood spattering everywhere from my meat slicer finger accident. Damn it hurts. :P

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mellybrelly

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