mellybrelly (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mellybrelly) wrote2010-07-21 08:50 am
mellybrelly) wrote2010-07-21 08:50 am
about last night..
Yesterday was rough at the midwife, this one midwife always seems to have problems finding the heartbeat, none of the others do. All of a sudden she says I have to go get an ultrasound, and then the ultrasound tech said she needed to look at the heart because my midwife couldn't find a heartbeat. Of course that freaked me out and it was really scary for a bit. Of course my brain immediately thought that something had happened to the baby. It happens. People have stillborn babies. Turns out heartbeat was fine, at 150.
Some of you have read this in my pregnancy journal, but I'm writing it here as well.
Of course my heartbeat was now racing, adrenaline, my pregnancy emotions all over the place, relief plus stress plus whatever else. I realized, after the midwife sent me away, that she hadn't checked my heartrate, so I went back in. I didn't get into my appointment till about 40 minutes after my appointment time, so by the time we were done this, all staff was gone, all patients, just the midwife and a nurse. She didn't want to take the time for me to sit down, wanted me to use the auto cuff that freaks me out. I went in and laid down and the midwife, who I already don't feel comfortable with, did my BP and I could feel my heart racing. She made a comment about "How exactly do we get these good BP readings from you?" which I admit, I took as rude, when she was probably just asking, but it was said in a weird way. She repeated it and immediately took my BP again, which was even higher. (First was 135/90, second was 140/90) I told her that I could feel my heart racing and I was having adrenaline because I had been afraid the baby had died. She left the room and I suddenly felt so overwhelmed and tears started, she walked in the room and said "What, are you crying again?".. I've never cried in front of her.. She made some comment about not being able to take my BP till I calmed down and stopped crying. She walked in later and asked me again if I was still crying, but I wasn't. Tim was great and was comforting me, making me laugh, calming me down.
She sent me to the hospital for a non-stress test, and told me I needed to be tested for pre-e, since my BP was higher than usual. I asked her "Really, even though this is one bad blood pressure, after I thought my baby had possibly died?". I offered to go home and take my BP and report to them each day, but no, hospital it was. No swelling, no protein in my urine, no white lights in front of eyes, no dizziness, no headaches, etc.
Then I had to lay there for a couple hours, which totally screwed up my pelvis issues. So bad, that I was in more pain last night than I had been in a week. The nurse was nice and friendly and funny, but I though it was stupid that she started putting a needle in my hand to draw blood, right as my BP cuff started. She even commented "I wonder what kind of reading we'll get this time?" and then 20 minutes later mentioned that my 1 BP reading was high, and I had to remind her that she took my blood during that one. I always offer my hand, it never hurts me, but she really hurt me when she took my blood. Even when she was putting the bandaid on, it felt like she was till gouging me, and I bled a lot and had a good size lump. Today it hurts to even touch that part of my hand, and I've never had that kind of pain after. It still has a small lump.
Unfortunately it was shift change and she left, and a less friendly, less caring nurse started. She seemed annoyed by me asking a question.
I got a few wonky BP readings because the one cuff stopped working, and they had to switch me to another, which ended up being so tight I was in a lot pain, so they switched me to another, but on a different part of my arm, and that gave me a wonky reading, but they went back to the original type of cuff and my BP went back to normal. (bottom number anyway)
I started my 24 hour urine test for pre-e, and they sent me home saying everything looked fine, but that I'd hear from the midwife on Friday about the results of my tests. We have to run my urine test out to the hospital tonight after 7pm.
So basically I feel like today I'm in pain and taking my urine all because my midwife is inept at finding the baby's heartbeat, and impatient, and wanted to get home.
Tim says it's better to just take the test and see that I don't have any issues, and I do agree that it's good to see that I'm fine, but that's why I bought a blood pressure cuff, and then they disregarded those results and continued to call me hypertension, even though I get normal readings in the office as well. I went to GD counseling and tested my blood sugars 4 times a day, and they were confident that I didn't have GD, but yet they make me continue testing for weeks, to make the OB happy, I had to request that they not call me GD to the hospital, so the baby wouldn't be treated as if I do have GD. Now this, I have very little trust that they will actually respect the results.
Just like everything else, if I do have pre-e, I'll deal with that fact, but just like everything else, I don't think I have it, and I think that they practice fear based medicine, worried about litigation and that I'm actually fine.
Baby will be here soon. I'm disappointed that I have had only stress with my midwives. Like I said in my baby journal, I know that everyone has different opinions on birth, and some people find it silly that a woman would worry about how she births, but for me, the pregnancy, the birth, all of it is an important part of having the baby. Feeling like I have control and respect in this birth is very essential to me. I am not just a vessel carrying this baby.
So, all in all a shitty day. Lots of tears last night, lots of pain, heating pads, and comfort from my husband. Think I'll have a low key day today, maybe watch a movie, take some naps.
Some of you have read this in my pregnancy journal, but I'm writing it here as well.
Of course my heartbeat was now racing, adrenaline, my pregnancy emotions all over the place, relief plus stress plus whatever else. I realized, after the midwife sent me away, that she hadn't checked my heartrate, so I went back in. I didn't get into my appointment till about 40 minutes after my appointment time, so by the time we were done this, all staff was gone, all patients, just the midwife and a nurse. She didn't want to take the time for me to sit down, wanted me to use the auto cuff that freaks me out. I went in and laid down and the midwife, who I already don't feel comfortable with, did my BP and I could feel my heart racing. She made a comment about "How exactly do we get these good BP readings from you?" which I admit, I took as rude, when she was probably just asking, but it was said in a weird way. She repeated it and immediately took my BP again, which was even higher. (First was 135/90, second was 140/90) I told her that I could feel my heart racing and I was having adrenaline because I had been afraid the baby had died. She left the room and I suddenly felt so overwhelmed and tears started, she walked in the room and said "What, are you crying again?".. I've never cried in front of her.. She made some comment about not being able to take my BP till I calmed down and stopped crying. She walked in later and asked me again if I was still crying, but I wasn't. Tim was great and was comforting me, making me laugh, calming me down.
She sent me to the hospital for a non-stress test, and told me I needed to be tested for pre-e, since my BP was higher than usual. I asked her "Really, even though this is one bad blood pressure, after I thought my baby had possibly died?". I offered to go home and take my BP and report to them each day, but no, hospital it was. No swelling, no protein in my urine, no white lights in front of eyes, no dizziness, no headaches, etc.
Then I had to lay there for a couple hours, which totally screwed up my pelvis issues. So bad, that I was in more pain last night than I had been in a week. The nurse was nice and friendly and funny, but I though it was stupid that she started putting a needle in my hand to draw blood, right as my BP cuff started. She even commented "I wonder what kind of reading we'll get this time?" and then 20 minutes later mentioned that my 1 BP reading was high, and I had to remind her that she took my blood during that one. I always offer my hand, it never hurts me, but she really hurt me when she took my blood. Even when she was putting the bandaid on, it felt like she was till gouging me, and I bled a lot and had a good size lump. Today it hurts to even touch that part of my hand, and I've never had that kind of pain after. It still has a small lump.
Unfortunately it was shift change and she left, and a less friendly, less caring nurse started. She seemed annoyed by me asking a question.
I got a few wonky BP readings because the one cuff stopped working, and they had to switch me to another, which ended up being so tight I was in a lot pain, so they switched me to another, but on a different part of my arm, and that gave me a wonky reading, but they went back to the original type of cuff and my BP went back to normal. (bottom number anyway)
I started my 24 hour urine test for pre-e, and they sent me home saying everything looked fine, but that I'd hear from the midwife on Friday about the results of my tests. We have to run my urine test out to the hospital tonight after 7pm.
So basically I feel like today I'm in pain and taking my urine all because my midwife is inept at finding the baby's heartbeat, and impatient, and wanted to get home.
Tim says it's better to just take the test and see that I don't have any issues, and I do agree that it's good to see that I'm fine, but that's why I bought a blood pressure cuff, and then they disregarded those results and continued to call me hypertension, even though I get normal readings in the office as well. I went to GD counseling and tested my blood sugars 4 times a day, and they were confident that I didn't have GD, but yet they make me continue testing for weeks, to make the OB happy, I had to request that they not call me GD to the hospital, so the baby wouldn't be treated as if I do have GD. Now this, I have very little trust that they will actually respect the results.
Just like everything else, if I do have pre-e, I'll deal with that fact, but just like everything else, I don't think I have it, and I think that they practice fear based medicine, worried about litigation and that I'm actually fine.
Baby will be here soon. I'm disappointed that I have had only stress with my midwives. Like I said in my baby journal, I know that everyone has different opinions on birth, and some people find it silly that a woman would worry about how she births, but for me, the pregnancy, the birth, all of it is an important part of having the baby. Feeling like I have control and respect in this birth is very essential to me. I am not just a vessel carrying this baby.
So, all in all a shitty day. Lots of tears last night, lots of pain, heating pads, and comfort from my husband. Think I'll have a low key day today, maybe watch a movie, take some naps.