Melanie ~ look at me with starry eyes...

Yesterday was rough at the midwife, this one midwife always seems to have problems finding the heartbeat, none of the others do. All of a sudden she says I have to go get an ultrasound, and then the ultrasound tech said she needed to look at the heart because my midwife couldn't find a heartbeat. Of course that freaked me out and it was really scary for a bit. Of course my brain immediately thought that something had happened to the baby. It happens. People have stillborn babies. Turns out heartbeat was fine, at 150.

Some of you have read this in my pregnancy journal, but I'm writing it here as well.

( rest of the night )

So, all in all a shitty day. Lots of tears last night, lots of pain, heating pads, and comfort from my husband. Think I'll have a low key day today, maybe watch a movie, take some naps.

I think I'm going to buy an airhorn and use it every time my midwives are being alarmists. Today the midwife was sweet, but almost made me cry when she said she heard things had been a mess lately. Then she told me my urine was perfect, no spilled sugars, no protein, no nothing bad. Then asked if we had set up my stress tests for the baby. I asked their favourite question: "WHY".

She didn't have a why, but asked me if the other midwife had mentioned it, and I said no, and she said "well, lets look at your blood sugar and blood pressure and then see if we should plan them".

My blood pressure was 116/68, so I'd say that's a no, and then when I tested my blood sugars, after a kind of crappy meal and a half sweet iced tea, and they were fine, I'd say that no, I won't be going in for stress tests at THIRTY SIX WEEKS WHEN NOTHING IS WRONG WITH MY PREGNANCY.

I told the midwife I was a bit swollen but she said I looked fine and said "Melanie, you actually have ankle bones, do you know how few ankle bones I see these days?" hah


After my appointment, I met vitainpalus, and her daughter, at the Dulles Town Center mall. We went for lunch, unfortunately the restaurant we wanted to go to was closed, so food court it was! Heh.. I enjoyed my chick-fil-a. I found a "you're a big sister" card for Reagan at Hallmark, it's a bit young, but they are almost impossible to find! Nice to hang out with them again, enjoyable company, then I was off to my gestational diabetes class!

Turns out that the nutrition class had nothing to offer, was the most basic nutrition class I had ever been to, but honestly, when you see people walking into your GD class with sodas, you have to wonder how educated they are about it.

I felt a little ragey being there, I hate being "diagnosed" without actually being diagnosed, I had to go into the bathroom and talk myself down into a better attitude. I did get my blood testing kit for free, and when I checked my blood sugars, they were under the limit. They want us to be no higher than 120 and I was at 118, and had a pretty junky lunch. The nutritionist made up a plan for me and I have to eat more carbs that I usually do, which I find kind of odd. They also didn't care what proteins we ate, they only focused on the carbs, and I thought they would talk about balanced diets. I have to add in a second snack, I have to eat 3 meals and 3 snacks a day, and test my blood 4 times a day. I go back in a week and if all looks good, I don't have to go back again, just keep track on my own.

When I got bored, I just watched my belly move. Baby was active. Baby is always active. Everyone else was 15 weeks pregnant, 20 weeks.. 30.

All the things they said we'd have to watch out by my stage of the pregnancy are fine with me. No real swelling, baby isn't big, no ketones in urine (although I do have to check every morning now). Hopefully things will continue in this way and they will continue to back the eff off.

I have to admit, once I actually got past the fear of pricking my finger, it was pretty cool to see the numbers, it appeals to me, keeping track of numbers with my health.

I lasted maybe 20 minutes tops, and then I managed to throw it up all over myself, all over the table I was sitting on in a back room, all over the floor and I mean ALL OVER. I really let loose.

That was fun.

Then I started sobbing over the sink as I continued. Again, fun.

I moved into a new, clean room and the midwife told me that she was recommending that I just say I have gestational diabetes, go see the counselor at the hospital, see a nutritionist, do my 4 times a day finger pricks for the next 5 weeks and call it a day. I was concerned that would put me into high risk category and I'd be removed from the practice, but she said no, only if my blood sugars were not controllable.

Fine. I'm not doing that damn test again, that's for damn sure. Someone in a birth community here said they needed to redo it at 35 weeks but their OB said to leave it and just eat sensibly for the rest of the time. I kind of wish I had that OB. I'm so close to the end, with a baby that is growing perfectly, but fine, I'll do it. Tim says he'll follow the diet with me.

That's that!


I think we were home sometime around 10 am, I quickly washed off, went to bed and slept till 1:45 pm. It's a stressful test.

Midwife just called to check in on me, I let her know about what happened this morning, in a nice way, but so she knows that communication still needs to be cleared up. She wanted to make sure I wasn't feeling stressed, and that everything was okay, and to tell me to call if I needed anything this weekend.

She phoned the diabetic specialists who confirmed that exercise could alter the results of the GD test, and she still was unsure about the carboloading, but they did confirm that cutting back on carbs would lead to a false negative, and it was better to remain balanced. I reminded her that I didn't mean to go eat 30 pita the night before, but to add in a piece of bread and a piece of fruit, as is suggested by most mainstream physicians. I think she's afraid I'm doing something crazy.

I think she feels bad about how this has gone down. Maybe a good step in the right direction? We'll see how this week goes, if I need to change my providers or not.

Lila has a friend who is a doula, I need to talk to Tim about if that's something we want or not.


Went to IKEA with Amy, bought a sweet little mobile with bugs for the baby, and a new duvet set for Reagan (hearts!), plus a flower lamp for her wall, plus a big heart rug for her floor. She's always putting a baby blanket down on the floor as a rug, so I couldn't resist. It'll be a "big sister" gift from the baby. Means I also need to buy her some new sheets, and a new bed skirt as well. Her bedroom will need a paint job, maybe this summer, plus I want to move everything around when we refinish the dresser for her. (Might be a while with baby coming for that to get done)


I can't forget to go check on the neighbour's dogs and rabbit today, it's hot out and I want to make sure they still have water. Think I'll do that right now.. and take out dinner while I'm thinking about it.

If I wasn't 34 weeks, I probably would start looking for other care for this birth. What a frustrating afternoon.

( stress with the midwives )

So big freaking mess of stupidity.

Then my best friend in Canada called and said she had bad news for me.. I wanted to cry again, I thought she was going to say she couldn't come visit, but she said that she couldn't get the flight she wanted into Dulles airport, but she got one into Baltimore!!!! She's coming for a week at the end of August. I want to cry I'm so happy. That news made my day all better again.

So, what a high and low and high again day!!! I'm still pretty fed up with the midwives, and all that crap, but hopefully it will get worked out.