Melanie ~ look at me with starry eyes...

It's been a busy week! Lots of TMI in this post. :)

Saturday morning I went to the hospital and Dr. Gonzalez said he was going to induce me, but no epidural, which was nice. Well, I kind of wanted to do the epidural but I figured if I could do it without, even better. Funny how things changed this birth. My blood pressure was still high, but not the super dangerous high, so I started my unnatural child birth. I went into this knowing that it was not going to be what I ever wanted for myself, but fully grateful that I was still able to try for a vbac. Contractions started and I went all day with them. My friend Lilly, who is a doula, phoned and said she got her sister to watch the kids (since she was babysitting Paxton for me) and that she was coming in to spend the day. While she was there she crocheted the most adorable skirt for the baby. She reminded me to keep my face non-pinched, to breath through contractions, etc. Around 7pm, Dr. Gonzalez turned off my pitocin and we decided to try this ballooning method. He had never done it with a vbac, but when he went and read studies, he said he could find no reason it was dangerous for a vbac.

Holy hell painful. They stick a tube up through to the other side of my cervix and pumped that with 70ccs of saline. Usually it's supposed to be 80, but I couldn't handle more. Outside of the cervix, they fill another balloon with anther 80ccs, but I could only handle 60 there I think. Basically what it does is force your cervix to dilate by pushing it from either side. Hello pain. Makes you feel like you have to pee, but you can't most the time.

In the meantime, my doula went home to be with her kids, since we weren't having the baby that night, and Tim was at home with Paxton and Reagan for a bit. I started to get stressed out by the pain of the ballooning, my nurse suggested I call Tim and get him back, he was leaving just as I called. My doula also surprised us and told us that her backup doula asked to come and sit with me. She was such a sweetheart, she looked 20 but was 37 like me and was pregnant with #10 baby!! She just sat with me and kept me calm, talked me through contractions, Tim arrived and they both just sat with me in the dark, keeping me quiet and calm. She left around 10, and Tim left not long after.

The ballooning threw me into awful cramping and contractions. My OB sent an order for vicodin and a sleeping pill, but I find the nurses like to cut back the medications and they told me I could only have one or the other. Actually one nurse said that and the other disagreed, but I think she thought I needed both. I picked the painkiller, and got no sleep.

In the morning I was so upset, Dr. G said it could come out at 7 but the nurse said 7:30, I was so upset. I phoned Tim and told him I couldn't vbac anymore, I couldn't handle another day of pain like that, since I was now on 2 nights of zero sleep. He told me that this is what I wanted so bad and he wanted me to at least try. Once the balloons came out I was a new person, I showered, Tim helped dry me off and my nurse actually french braided my hair for me. How loving and sweet is that? She said she hadn't done a french braid for years.

Dr. G came in and by that time I was again focused on my vbac and ready to go. I'll stop now cause I'm heading to LLL this morning, will finish the rest in a few hours!

One of my favourite things with babies is when they start to anticipate what will happen next. Like when a baby bursts into giggles before you even start tickling them.

I start "round and round the garden" on Paxton's open hand, and he starts giggling right away, because he knows what is coming next. I love it. I love my little baby.



I love that he has learned to crouch. He'll stand at his toy basket, and then crouch down to pick toys up. He's growing so quickly.

One of my favourite times of the day is when Paxton has finished nursing and he's asleep on my lap. I gather him up and hold him on my shoulder and he just snuggles in, fast asleep. He's so beautiful and innocent and precious and soft. I hate to put him down, but it's time for sleep.

I just watched as Paxton grabbed onto one of his toys hanging on his cradle and used it to puuuuull himself over onto his side, and closer, so he could get both hands on it. He LOVES this new toy my friend Kim bought him, it's a bug with chimes, a really gentle beautiful sound. I know it's just cause I'm the mom, but it's fascinating to watch how he is adjusting to the world.

(couple hours later)

Baked some lactation cookies, they are pretty delicious, but my brewer's yeast was so expensive! I need to find it cheaper somewhere else, unless almost twenty dollars for a can is normal.

Paxton was in my arms as I walked around finishing up the cookie clean up, and putting laundry on and he fell asleep in my arms. He doesn't do that often, usually it's on the boob or GTFO. I just soaked it in.

Need to pull something for dinner. Think I might pull out something that can be grilled.

Still sick, but improving steadily. Ears are still itchy, throat feels bruised, but so so so much better than before.

Kid is waking up and I want to take a nap!

And I fully expect it to pass me by..

40 weeks!

Luckily, at this point, I still remember what stands between me and baby, so I'm able to muster up patience. It seems like the due date is a turning point for a lot of women, I'm curious how it will affect me. Will I be a puddle of sobbing on the floor at 11:45 pm this evening? Wait, how is that different from other evenings these days?

Tim was off to work early today, maybe he'll be home early tonight. Our poor lawn needs to be cut, our house is starting to look abandoned. Between the intense heat, then some thunderstorms, it just hasn't happened. Apparently the baby can't come till Tim has mowed and vacuumed, maybe I should vacuum for him today, just to get this thing started.


I feel crampy and nauseated, but that seems to be how I feel every morning these days.

Good day today, swam for a few hours, good numbers on my blood sugar still, went grocery shopping in the afternoon with Amy, made a yummy dinner. Tim's out right now, so I loaded the dishwasher, cleaned my makeup table, tidied Reagan's bedroom (it was played in at the baby shower and I just haven't made it in to clean, and her grandparents are coming here, so I want it nice).

I organized my suitcase a little, and am about to wrap Reagan's "big sister" gifts. So far I have an American Girl book Just Dad and Me, plus a couple packages of silly bandz, a big magnifying glass, a Kelly doll, Hello Kitty Jelly Bellys, and a big container of crazy sized gum balls. They go from teeny tiny to gigantic, she'll love them. Bought a big sister card too. I might have gone overboard, but I just want her to feel so special.

I also bought her a new duvet cover from Ikea, plus a new rug, and a flower lamp. Gotta love Ikea. I'll set the bedroom up after we come back with baby. If I had energy, I'd paint her bedroom this week, but that isn't happening.


I'm finding the most annoying thing about packing is that the clothing I wear these days is limited, and I don't want to pack it away. I'm just going to have to remember to pack it when things get more serious with labour.

After I wrap, I need to go make the futon up for Tim's parents, and the air mattress for Seamus, unless he wants to sleep in Reagan's room. They'll be here tomorrow afternoon. Tri-tip is pulled out for tomorrow's dinner.

My wasp stings are so itchy!

Tim's mom is very excited about this baby, and very generous. It can be slightly overwhelming at moments, but for the most part, it's really great. I mean, they bought us the crib we wanted, and the really good crib mattress I wanted, plus enough left over to buy a nice organic crib pad and some other things.

I was laughing after my baby showers because I expected to have a zillion receiving blankets, but only actually got 4 and they came from a friend who didn't make it to the shower (who also knit me a gorgeous toque for the baby, and some other great things).

NO LONGER A PROBLEM.

I'm doing laundry and washing everything she sent home with me, and so far I've counted 30 receiving blankets, and about 1/3 of those are ones that she sewed herself so they are massive, which is excellent. The rest of them look like they were Tim's and his siblings when they were little. She also used to foster newborn babies, while they waited for adoption, when Tim was a teenager, so there are some from then as well.

I'm also excited that she sent me the blanket that Tim came home from the hospital in. Now, there is a chance it isn't the exact one, since we have pictures of Reagan coming home in a blanket that is the same fabric, with a slightly different border. Ada may have that one, but I'm willing to just pretend that we both have the blanket that Tim came home in, and leave it be. It's a nice compromise because Ada gets to keep the blanket Reagan came home in (they used it for her) and I have one that we can use for our baby.

She also sent home a ton of teeny outfits, they are mostly preemie, or newborn, plus some bibs, a bouncy chair (two can't hurt..), plus a little terry cloth thingy to bath the baby in, I have one of those, plus a bathtub, but I love the wire/terry cloth ones, so I'm happy to have an extra. Mine is really old.

They are supposed to be bringing us a cradle as well, that I believe was used for Tim's aunt when she was a baby. I am not 100% sure they will make it up here before the baby is born, which had me slightly stressed because I want the baby in our bedroom for now, but want the crib in the baby's bedroom. Then I realized that Reagan has this awesome little cradle she uses for dolls, so I'll borrow that if need be. Crisis averted!

probably should put this stuff in mellybrellbelly, but hey, baby is a part of my real life too ;)

All this laundry is making me feel motivated to wash everything in the baby's room, and maybe even start prepping my cloth diapers. I need to read up on it, since I have a few different kinds.

I didn't get my material cut up, but I did get my sweet and jalapeno peppers finally planted, and my bush and pole beans. I should never complain about pregnancy, because I've wanted this for so long, but man, it's harder to garden with a baby in the front of you. I put myself down on the ground and managed to bend forward sort of, to plant, but then that triggered my indigestion. :P

Oh, the trials.. heh

Glad those seeds are finally in the ground, only started the peppers a month and a half late!

Happy Mother's day to all the moms on my list, the stepmoms, the women who have stepped in to be mother figures to people, to the preggos on my list, and extra love to the women who are still wanting to be moms but it hasn't happened yet. Even more love to those of you who have lost your moms, or don't have a mom in your life for whatever reason.

Tim succeeded in making me cry this morning, he's just too sweet to me. Yesterday Reagan gave me a card and in it she wrote "thank you for reading to me", which I thought was just awesome. There was also a gift card to my favourite used bookstore, which makes me happy.

Today there were tulips sitting on the kitchen table, and a card from the unborn baby, which almost made me cry and then a card from Tim thanking me for being a good stepmom and talking about our baby, which really made me cry. He also got me a Home Depot gift card so I can go and pick out flowers for our garden. These are the kinds of gifts that make me very happy.

We both slept in this morning, which was nice. Tim's going to put up the crib today, which I'm excited about. I ordered some diaper covers from blueberrydiapers.com, they have a sale today, buy one get one for free. I wanted to buy some Thirsties duo covers first, but these were a pretty good sale, and have good reviews.

Miss Reagan today, but in her card to her mom that we made, she wrote "Thank you for taking the day off to spend it with me", and I know that having a full day with her mom means so much to her, and I'm happy she's spending it with her mom. I'm glad summer is almost here and they can have some full days together, it has to be hard to just see each other after school 4 days a week and that's it. I can see Reagan craves time with her mom.


I think Tim and I might go to IHOP. Hahah, he suggested it his half sleep state, but I've been craving breakfast food ever since. We both need to call our moms first!