Melanie ~ look at me with starry eyes...

Tim starts school today. One of his courses is on campus, so we've lost some flexibility and it sucks! He'll be in class for my birthday, for halloween.. but it's an important class and not an easy one to do on his own, in an online class. We'll figure it out. I might have to start packing him something for dinner, cause class is at 6 and he doesn't even usually leave work till 6.

Last night I was trying to figure out a carseat for Canada. I do not want to bring mine, it's massive and when I land in Vancouver I have to gather my suitcase, with Paxton in a stroller and a carryon bag and diaper bag... I can't balance a car seat too, it'll be worse if I ever have a second baby, cause I'd have to juggle two carseats. Someone suggested buying a car seat and there is one on sale for just over $50, so I think that's the plan.

So far I haven't heard from my friend whose baby I'm supposed to be watching. I'm wondering if that's a wash or if she's actually going to do it.

I have Janelle company this morning so I should really jump in a shower and maybe pick up Paxton's mess in the living room.

THIS IS THE FUCKING BULLSHIT.

Midwife says she wants me to have an ultrasound, can I do it Friday (today). I said "Only if it's in the morning, because my husband has to drive 4 hours to get my stepdaughter in the afternoon". The midwife ended up saying we'd forget about today, and just work on getting me one for Monday. I WAS VERY CLEAR.


Just now the phone rings, it's the midwife office telling me they've booked me with an appointment for THIS AFTERNOON.

Then the nurse got a bit bitchy with me and said "Well, they are fitting you in because it's an emergency!".

I DON'T CARE. UNLESS YOU WANT ME TO WALK THERE, I CANNOT GO. THE MIDWIFE SAID MONDAY.

I didn't say that of course, I nicely explained what the midwife had decided, which was that Monday would work better, and the nurse says "Well, I just have a note that says today or Monday", again, with annoyed tone in voice.

I DON'T CARE. GO TALK TO THE MIDWIFE ABOUT HOW SHE DROPPED THE BALL AGAIN, DON'T BITCH TO ME.

Except I didn't say that of course. I think I apologized.


Tim says I need to be more of a bitch and basically say "This is an emergency for you, this is not an emergency for me because you guys are the ones who dropped the ball".

They just called back and now I have an appointment for Monday afternoon. Tim says I need to stop apologizing. It's just something I was born with I think, in my Canadian self.

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy

O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life

St. Francis



Probably what I need to be focusing on. And I just love Sarah's voice, who wouldn't want to meditate with that.