more fun community banning stuff

[mellybrelly]

I wrote (last night before being banned):

I am sorry your cat died. I know that hurts and sucks. I had 9 people in my life die this winter. All deaths suck.

I couldn't see a way to email you. Could you put that on the user info page?

I was not trying to start drama, I was confused and embarrassed and shocked.

this is what she says I wrote in a post:

And don't do it under the guise of "I'm not starting drama"
had the now banned person contacted me to talk to me it wouldn't have been so bad, but now they are having their friends make comments. Besides that fact that she only showed snippets of the conversation and not her "who the fuck cares that your cat died I lost 9 people this winter"

Funny enough, she deleted the post where she named me, now no one can come and look at my lj, so I'm just being slandered. This is the hugest power trip I've ever seen by a moderator... she is saying I only wrote parts of the conversation? No, I just didn't write every single evil response she gave me to my comments. A few of you have read them, on your own, since I didn't ask anyone to go and search through the community to see where I tried to explain to her after she went off on me.

done. Finally finally realized that this truly is all about her and I was just the person in the way of her train wreck.

Comments

[bery.livejournal.com]

Yes, there are people like that all over LiveJournal and the Internet in general.

They feel that since they have a teensy little bit of power over other people, they can weild it however they wish with no regard to the consequences. But the fact is, they simply haven't realized that if you treat people badly, they treat you badly. By not making that rather simple connection, they've doomed themselves to a life of petty drama and (in all likelyhood) either solitude or abusive relationships (abusive to the other person, that is, which is very unhealthy in a relationship and in many cases can lead to injury, imprisonment or death for the abuser).

These are definitely people that should not be put in leadership positions. They don't understand the concept of diplomacy, they have no regard to the feelings of others, and they just generally have a pissy, live-wire attitude liable to fly off into an angry tangent at a moment's notice.

I've met a few people like that in real life, too. And with that, I'm going to trundle off to work (where a drama-troll lurks under a dank bridge) ...

[mellybrelly.livejournal.com]

It's amazing how we can twist things in our minds as well.. I know I've done it many times in the past. She thinks I'm sending my friends over, and now she's writing that I'm sending her harassing emails, but the only thing I've done since she banned me was write here, and I never asked anyone to go there and write anything to her.

Looking through the community, I see a few posts where she abuses people, is rude to people.. she is on a power trip with this and I hope that she figures that out!

I know I've been there. Isn't pretty.

I'm off to work too ;)

[bery.livejournal.com]

I'm sure you know this from your experiences working with children, but the only way to deal with people like this is to not feed into their sociopathic ravings (not that I'm saying kids are sociopathic, they just don't understand social interaction that well yet :)). Emailing them, posting to your own LJ, all that sort of behaviour merely serves to exacerbate their own ego - in other words, the mere presence of feedback makes them feel important and empowered. They're conflict-queens (yes, even the male people who do this are conflict-queens :)), and they exercise any and all opportunity to flex their "power".

Now, for LJ, there are two things you can do: You can defriend them, and you can ignore them.

If they post in your journal, don't delete their comment, but consider deleting any replies to it to prevent an all-out troll war (and of course, don't reply to it yourself). Anything more is feeding the troll. If you post to your own LJ about it, you're feeding the drama. If you need to vent (i.e., what a journal is for :)), you can mark it private or leave it friends-only for a period of time and then mark it private. If you've already made a Troll-readable post about it to your journal, don't delete it. Trolls feed on everything, even the act of deleting something - simply because it means you're in their power.

Deleting replies to their comments might grant them a small feeling of power, but what it does do is cut down on the chance that your friends will get tied up in the trolling. That's why I said to consider it - it can go either way, like the flip of a coin. The fact that you're not deleting the troll's post signals the troll that you don't actually care about them or what they say.

And if all that fails, there's always the lj-abuse email.

[dotcombabe.livejournal.com]

Maybe report her to LJ abuse?

[mellybrelly.livejournal.com]

she deleted all the evil posts she wrote about me, so what is a person to do? I probably should have seen her initial reaction and post and just realized she was a mental case and walked away.

Even when that psycho euro2hell and his sidekick in New Jersy were harassing me on lj and via emails.. lj abuse did nothing.

She no longer has my name up so I don't think I can even prove anything.

[dotcombabe.livejournal.com]

Oh well, probably best to just walk away from this experience with grace. She can reek havoc on the next poor unsuspecting soul.

Are you home? How you feeling?

[mellybrelly.livejournal.com]

I'm feeling not very well, but I want to go get shoes and I'll see how I feel after that. Even if we went for a walk or something.. I'll see what I can handle. My body is in pain from top to bottom, and not sleeping much last night is just adding to it.

Day 3 of cramps with no period :/

[dotcombabe.livejournal.com]

Ugh, poor girly :(

What time do you want to go? I'll come pick you up.

[mellybrelly.livejournal.com]

I can go whenever you are up for it.. I'm just kinda collapsed on my bed.

[weezerthe1.livejournal.com]

which community dearie???

[mellybrelly.livejournal.com]

bustingout.. typo in the last one..

she's saying that I'm sending her harassing emails, but I haven't sent one. She's saying that I sent my friends, I asked no one to go there and write anything.

[human-beans.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you're going through that. :(

I went through something very similar last year with a personal LJ and not a community. I got slandered all over the place.

*HUG*

[mellybrelly.livejournal.com]

it's yucky. I'm glad you came back to lj after that though.

[tanyajc.livejournal.com]

I read her posts, she doesn't seem like a very nice person.

[mellybrelly.livejournal.com]

and she deleted all the ones where she wrote about me.. using my name. Of course that means that no one can see my side of things, but she is obviously messed in the head right now.

[tanyajc.livejournal.com]

Yeah and I found out from her userinfo that she lives in Albany, NY and thats only like 45 minutes from where we are right now LOL

[mellybrelly.livejournal.com]

funny!

[crzynbtfl.livejournal.com]

people can be dumb.

*hugs*

[mellybrelly.livejournal.com]

and she's still over there slandering me.. arg. I need to just let it go.

[viciouscrotch.livejournal.com]

ugh.

this is a prime example of why i dislike most people on livejournal.
power trips. intentional misquotes. disinformation. dramadramadrama.

you handled it well.
im proud of you, dear.
youre one of the good ones.

[mellybrelly.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. I needed to hear that.

The thing is that I quoted her words exactly, and I quoted mine exactly.. she made me sound evil and vicious.

Thank you for encouraging me.

[imaginarylove.livejournal.com]

stupid bitch.




i'm sorry, that was totally mean.

[mellybrelly.livejournal.com]

if her cat didn't die yesterday I'd say she completely deserved it, but she only slightly did because pain doesn't give us the right to attack and then lie about people.

[sister-savage.livejournal.com]

Yuck, Melly! That's shit!

[mellybrelly.livejournal.com]

pretty much eh.. messed up stuff. Oh well, she can keep writing her insane ranting about me, but hopefully one day she'll see a little more clearly.

[elizabethsheryl.livejournal.com]

i'm not even going to read 'cause, well, it'll just anger me. haha. I was a moderator at a plus-size ratings community for about a year, and the owner had sugery and this and that and was really busy and so basically it was me and another girl. we tried TONS of things to get the community going and what-not and they never wanted to make it a community, they just wanted to be judgemental and vote yes/no to people. I tried having a msn chatroom and doing weekly chats, I tried to have themes and it just never worked. I finally once tried to make a REAL rule, and they all flipped out on me, haha. Basically I said that I didn't want to be mean to these girls, and that if you wanted to reject them just put "no" instead of all the mean horrible things they would put. I just wanted it to not be a bitch-fest, they all freaked out saying I was "taking away their rights" and blahdy blahdy blah. So, I finally gave in and let them do what they needed. Most of the girls were awesome, but 15 or so were just annoying about things. BUT..in all of that time, I never got power-tripped, I banned ONE girl in the entire time I was a moderator, and that was because she was suspected of being a troll. I didn't think I was that special for being a moderator, I didn't even put it in my userinfo. I finally left 'cause I just don't think rating people and being that outright judgmental is very nice. I mean, I'm not perfect but I just kinda feel bad doing that now. So..basically this is to say: that girl needs to get a life. She is NOT COOL because she is a moderator, she's taking it way too seriously.

[mellybrelly.livejournal.com]

I totally understand banning trolls, but you are right, why ban someone for being confused and trying to figure out why I'm getting shit at for something I didn't even do.

[kodakrome.livejournal.com]

mel, i'm so sorry you're going through this.. i am the one who went and told her off.. she totally freezed me from commenting right after her reply. so, that's all partly my fault. i did it because i wanted to though, definitely not because you told me or wanted me to. i should've kept my mouth shut but i was so angry at how she was treating sweet, sweet melly.

anyway. normally if shit starts with somebody on lj, it's best to leave it be because no matter what happens, no matter how much you try to make them understand your side, they won't. i should've taken my own advice and not said anything to her. but i couldn't help myself this morning. again, i apologize.


move forward, forget about her. drama is for your mama.. no drama zone!

[mellybrelly.livejournal.com]

I saw later that it was you that left a comment, but know what? I love you and I would do the same for you, any day, any time. You were not abusive or anything.

I think people sent her emails too, from her latest rants, but I didn't ask anyone to do that either. It kinda warms my heart though, to know that people will stick up for me.

I was glad to know that you, and others, had found where I commented, and that I hadn't told her that I didn't care that her cat died... arg.. what a mental case.

[mellybrelly.livejournal.com]

ha Bre! she totally deleted my comments and hers.. oh well, I'm done with the ridiculous situation and immaturity!!

Thanks again for sticking up for me.