Melanie ~ look at me with starry eyes...

I was going to write that I feel happier and more like myself, but as I write it, I wonder if that's just how I want to feel. I wrote it three times and erased it each time. I think I just feel stagnant. I need a change of life or attitude or something! I love feeling happy and cheerful and fulfilled, but I think I am just bored and overworked. I feel spiritually stalled. I need to make some changes and don't want to. I feel rebellion. I don't like to back down and reach for the help that I know I can only get from one source. Other things just seem more attractive at this moment. I recieved a great card that was so uplifting from my friend Rebecca, perhaps I will scan it in later. And I know it had truth written in it.

How do I lead when I don't want to be led?

Finally made it back to the gym. Missed the last two weeks - ooops. If my gym partner doesn't go, I usually don't go. Bad habit

Today I feel cranky at someone who I have absolutely no right to be cranky at. Ever feel like that? I am mad at him and he has no idea, and I'm not about to say anything. Look psycho enough sometimes!

Enjoying day 2 of the 4 day weekend. Had a nice bath, read my book, did no housecleaning. In fact looking like a bit of a sty. How lazy is this - dropped a container of flax seed in my kitchen yesterday and haven't swept it up yet. Just sort of kicked it into the corner. Feel pathetic. Think tomorrow I will scrub my house down, but with my luck all the unexpected company will stop in tonight!!!!

Really enjoyed Bowling for Columbine. But felt a little heavy after two difficult documentaries. Left with a knot in my stomach and the feeling that the world was dying around me and I couldn't do a thing. Perhaps that's why so lethargic today, and the frustration with ?. Feel like I need to control all situations around me but don't know where to start so crawl into the bath and disappear into the world of Tamarind Mem (by Anita Rau Badami).

Perhaps by tomorrow my posts will be a little happier, more like my normal self! Please let me wake with a smile...